The struggle, day 40.

The struggle, day 40.

As I type this, I am crying. I am struggling. I really didn’t anticipate it being quite this difficult, or this emotional. I never thought there would come a day where I sit in front of the computer and just stare, unable to think creatively, or post in the FB groups, or just FUNCTION. I didn’t think I would be sitting down, crying, for what seems like no reason. I don’t even know why I am crying, but as the tears pour down my face, I feel like the best thing I can do is just write it out. I tried extra hard to be an extremely good mom today, I tried harder than usual. I know she feels the stress of things too. I don’t watch the news and I never let her see or hear it on my phone, but she knows why we are home, why we don’t go out. Why we don’t see our friends. Chris is an “essential” worker, both his jobs are. We have decontaminate protocol for when he comes home, we are very strict with it. But daily life functions have been seemingly impossible for me to handle, or accomplish, and that is hard to admit. I feel like I am cooking a thousand times more than usual. I can’t keep up with laundry at all, there is so much more of it. cleaning the house seems impossible, everything about life right now seems impossible. Thinking seems impossible, venting seems about the only thing I am capable of. On top of it all my phone isn’t working, it rarely works, shuts off on itself all day, doesn’t want to let me have conversations with anyone. Its like communication got cut off on every level possible. During a brief time it was working today I texted a friend that I was crying and didn’t know why, asking her what’s wrong with me. She told me it isn’t just me, there is a lot of people crying right now. I am scared of so many things right now, terrified of the future, terrified for my family and friends. It is all SO very heavy and difficult. Today I made a mug cake with Viv, for the first time ever, she was jumping up and down with excitement and looked at me and hugged me and said “Oh my gosh. I’m so happy, I’m so excited to be doing something, we are making this cake. We haven’t been able to do anything new in months!!!!!” As she said it and hugged me my heart felt like dropped and shattered. This is her childhood, spent locked inside. We can’t even go outside for playing and walks right now because there is a darn coyote AND a dog keeps getting loose from the street behind us and going after people. We are literally stuck inside and it is really hard. I tried to make the best of things today, I tried to be my best me, despite the crying. We did sand art and made a mug cake. At bed time, which was a lot later than usual tonight for V, she told me it was a really good day for the first time in a long time. I am going to try even harder tomorrow. If anyone else is sad, if you know why or you don’t, you aren’t alone.

What day is it?

I don’t even know what day it is. We have been home so long. Tomorrow is bread day, yay! Is this really what life is now? i don’t even have an answer. All I can say is this. Anyone being a dick to their family, cut that shit out! You don’t know how long you have! You want to be fed up with family text messages? wow what a delicate snowflake, not now fucker! It is beyond enraging to see the selfishness and self entitlement of people right now!!! Cling to your damn families because chances are that at least one wont survive. I just want to scream and scream and scream.

day 10(0000) quarantine

day 10(0000) quarantine

As most of you know and many of you are in the same situation, we are currently in self isolation aka quarantine, here at home. We had actually started homeschooling V back in February, and thankfully I had gotten my sea legs A LITTLE stable before the madness ensued. Of course nothing could prepare us here, or anyone for that matter, for what would come.

Yesterday a friend asked if I had any magazines that her children could use for a project. Of course I did! And I remembered she had just started her seedlings, I had not yet gotten soil, I asked if she had any left we could use, she did and would bring it by. I went around the house and gathered what I could find, magazines and catalogs. And a set of grow lights, it snowed again and she needed some for her seedlings. Into the bag they went! I grabbed some of the snacks I always keep on hand in bags, animal crackers, they are her little’s favorite, and into the bag they went also. I remembered an idea I had seen, drawing hand outlines on cardboard so that kids can practice painting their nails, she has 2 girls so I made one for each of them. Before I made them, I sprayed Lysol on the cardboard, front and back. That kind of struck a cord with me, like WOW, am I really doing this? YEP! I got it all into a bag, washing my hands probably 50 times while assembling the bag. And then I put the bag outside the garage door, and closed it and went back inside. That was hard.

That was a very profound realization. I could watch her from the window, but I wouldn’t be able to see her, give her a hug, or chit chat in the living room. She would leave the soil and some medicine she picked up for me, at the garage door also. I waited a bit before checking the window for tire marks in the snowy driveway. This is the new way of doing things. For now. I don’t want to call it the new normal, nothing about this is normal, and I don’t want it to ever be.

Check out the couch!

Check out the couch!

Check out this couch from Chita Living!! I am SO in love with it, I had to show you all! This is next level adulting right here, getting a new couch! It is a new kind of couch I had never tried before, one that grows. And my “grows” I mean you can make it bigger depending on your personal family needs.

 

Perfect Gray Couch From Chita Living!
The new couch!

It comes in a beautiful shade of gray, so it goes with any color scheme you have at home. I originally purchased the love seat, and then I went back and bought the middle section to make it bigger. I am thrilled with my decision! The bottom cushions are so very comfortable, made from memory foam, nice and supportive. The back cushions are the “just right”amount of supportive and comfy.  It doesn’t sit right on the floor so it is easy to clean under.

Beautiful and comfortable!

Each section interlocks with brackets and a bolt in the back to keep it secure.  I am really hoping that Chita Living makes a corner piece, and then we could create a beautiful L-Shaped sectional.  I am also hoping they come out with a chaise  lounge addition for it and an ottoman with storage would be excellent also.  For now I am happy with the couch and so in love with it.  It came right to my door, and was so easy to assemble, I did it entirely myself in 10 minutes! I will keep a watch on their website and hope for more products! Check out the website for ChitaLiving here and get yours today! For a limited time, use code CHITA20OFF for 20% off your entire order, and get FREE SHIPPING!

Perfect Gray Couch From Chita Living!
Perfect Gray Couch From Chita Living!
Comfortable Gray Couch
Perfect Gray Couch From Chita Living!
More Couch Love

I’m still here

Hey ya’ll! So it’s November, I have no clule where the year went. Somewhere between january and november life has been happening. But I’m here, still here. Quietly, a little more quiet than usual. Life goes on and so do I. Momma, wife, semi failing homemaker. But with any hope I’ll get back in the swing of things! xoxo

Fun Christmas gift!

<a href=”https://www.tomoson.com?code=TOP589d00cb38ef18afbcd621e664dd689a&#8221; rel=”nofollow” style=”display: none;”></a>

Short and sweet post here ! 

Looking for a cute gift? Look no further! 

Everyone knows I have a socks obsession, and these definitely are right up my alley.

Find them here :   https://www.amazon.com/Funny-Christmas-Novelty-Gifts-TALKING-SOCKS-TRENDY/dp/B075XGGTQ3

#FunnyGifts #ShopaHolics #CurrentlyWearing #StyleBlogger #StyleInspo #GoodDeal #ifyoucanreadthis #bringmewine #talkingsocks #trendyprosocks
Naughty or nice? Which will I be tonight….? 

I’m thinking tonight the naughty ones will do! 

And……

Technically it’s 2 pairs of socks, but if your having a rough day and really want to confuse people, this is a great 3rd option! 

<a href=”https://www.tomoson.com?code=BOTTOM589d00cb38ef18afbcd621e664dd689a&#8221; rel=”nofollow” style=”display: none;”></a>