Someone jumped off the Newburgh-Beacon Bridge tonight. I didn’t know them and yet my heart breaks. It breaks for the sadness and despair, that was so strong they felt this was their only option left. It breaks for anyone they left behind, be it family, friend, or foe. It breaks for how many other people will take their own lives. It breaks for the lives in my own family lost to suicide. It breaks for every sigle person who looks in the mirror and feels that the stress and weight of life is just so much they cannot bear it any longe. And it breaks because as a country we are so horribly ill equipped to deal with mental illness and assistance when needed. Be kind. Show love. Always.
In my life, I am always searching for the meaning of things; I always want to know the “why” and the reason behind things. Sometimes this gets me into trouble… I don’t know I just always NEED to be able to understand things, I can never just accept things. It’s probably one of my worst and best traits lol. For the past few years I have been thinking about what tattoo to get next. I’ve had some ideas, some better than others, and some, well it’s a good thing I didn’t get them…
For a while now, I have had my heart set on a few: “dolce far niente”, a dandelion on my shoulder blowing in the wind, a four leaf clover, and faith hope and love, each intertwined into an infinity symbol. Faith, Hope, and Love are three things at the core of who I am. But ink is permanent, so I want to make sure whatever I get, that it’s right, ya know? Of course looking for a sign of what tat to get seems ridiculous, right? So I basically ask my sister once a week what she thinks of the idea, and she loves it and thinks it’s a great idea. But every time I go to explain the tatoo to her or anyone else, I say “The faith goes on the back base of my neck, hope goes on my left wrist and love goes on my right wrist”, yet when I go to explain it, and say hope, for some reason I always extend my right wrist, and then when I say love, I extend my left. This makes no sense, because then I have to stop myself and say no that’s the wrong wrists and explain that LOVE goes on my right wrist and HOPE goes on my left. It irritates me that my brain keeps messing up when it is clearly NOT how I want the ink on me forever!!! Well I was in the shower thinking about what it will look like once it is on, I was thinking “Faith, Hope, and Love” as I thought hope I envisioned it on my left, yet there in the shower extended my right wrist, and as I thought “Love” extended my left. And then I looked at my wrists and it hit me, Love BELONGS on the left wrist!!!! Of course it does!!!! Where do people wear wedding rings?? On the left hand! I’m not married, but anyone who knows me knows how I feel about love, and how I regard it. So of course “Infinite love” belongs on the hand what wears a wedding ring!!! And BAM! There’s my sign! I will save talking about the meaning of this tattoo for when I get it; but I will say, Faith Hope and Love are, and have always been, a huge part of who I am. The meaning of this tattoo goes back to when I was little, and continues through to my every day life and heart, and love. Life is beautiful, but not always easily understood; especially when it comes to matters of love. But if you have faith, and hope in that love….well, anyone that knows me, knows…. 😉
These pictures are NOT of me!!! These are just pics I found online of what I want . But on mine all the script style will be the same and the lines will be more like the lines pictured with the “love”!
I feel SO ready for this new ink!!!!
I love “Eat, Pray, Love” I always have. As a book, as a movie, as a life motto. It’s how I have always believed; I Eat, I Pray (not nearly enough though) and I Love. These are some of my favorite thoughts from it. All quotes by Elizabeth Gilbert, all pictures by me.
“The only way to heal, is to trust”
“Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can’t even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I’m aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don’t have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift.”
“To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it’s like you have 4 legs instead of 2. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God.”
“As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you.”
“Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be… a prudent insurance policy.”
“One thing I do know about intimacy is that there are certain natural laws which govern the sexual experience of two people, and that these laws cannot be budged any more than gravity can be negotiated with. To feel physically comfortable with someone else’s body is not a decision you can make. It has very little to do with how two people think or act or talk or even look. The mysterious magnet is either there, buried somewhere deep behind the sternum, or it is not. When it isn’t there (as I have learned in the past, with heartbreaking clarity) you can no more force it to exist than a surgeon can force a patient’s body to accept a kidney from the wrong donor. My friend Annie says it all comes down to one simple question: “Do you want your belly pressed against this person’s belly forever –or not?”
“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life……A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.”
“People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.”
“You have the opposite of poker face. You have like…… miniature golf face.”
“Desiring another person is perhaps the most risky endeavor of all. As soon as you want somebody—really want him—it is as though you have taken a surgical needle and sutured your happiness to the skin of that person, so that any separation will now cause a lacerating injury.”
“Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.”
“In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.”
“I met an old lady once, almost a hundred years old, and she told me, ‘There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? And Who’s in charge?”
“How could two people who were so in love not end up happily ever after? It had to work. Didn’t it?”
I LOVE THESE.
I’ve been slacking lately……my mind has been racing, but I just couldn’t sit down to write…… I should probably write about food, but all I can think about is love.
There’s been a lot of sadness lately, a loss of love, several losses of love, all at the same time, and its heartbreaking. Real love being screwed over and cheated and ripped apart. How is that ok? How is that fair? So many people go through life settling for who ever comes along, for whoever is “safe” and “secure” and who can’t hurt them or get to them, people who hurt them but they’re afraid to leave, all kinds of settling. But some people, they hit the jackpot. They find that great love, and they go for it. The dive head first into that shallow pool of crazy. The kind where just thinking of the person makes the eyes sparkle and a smile unstoppable.
In a fair world, these kinds of relationships would never be short-changed. These people would go on living and loving forever; in a Nicholas Sparks kind of way, dying together on the same day when they are old and gray. But the world we live in isn’t fair, it isn’t right, and sometimes, this is the love that gets fucked over and shit on. Pardon my language, but I’m mad. I’m mad at love, mad at life, mad at God. I’m mad that this is the kind of love that gets ripped apart, and I am mad, that some people have this kind of love staring them in the face, and don’t have the balls to just go for it and they waste it. They waste something so precious, so true and rare, and beautiful. They take it for granted, and that makes me mad. But me being mad isn’t the point of this. My point in writing this is……I don’t know what. To say wake the fuck up to people who blindly waste their lives?? Who waste life and love and happiness all for what? Wake up and appreciate the love in your life!!!!! And if it’s not the love you want, if it’s not earth shattering, heart pumping, can’t get enough of the other person love, if you don’t get that far off look and feeling when you think of the person, then keep moving. Live your life until it finds you…..
The video below is beautiful. It was done by White on Rice Couple for Jennifer Perrillo who recently lost her husband. They had “that kinda love.” The kind where their eyes sparkled, they had IT, and he died suddenly, without warning. No good-bye, no last words, nothing. It’s not fair, it sucks, sucks doesn’t even cover it! But Jennie and Mikey lived, and they loved. Everyone should learn from them. Jennie asked everyone to make a Peanut Butter Pie (Mikey’s favorite) and share it with the people they love. So last week I did just that. I made Peanut Butter Pie along with a big Fried Chicken dinner and had my whole family over. And enjoyed every second of their company. As you can see, my niece Taylor REALLY loved it.
This post isn’t eloquent or graceful, it’s foul-mouthed, and I’m rambling, but it’s real. It’s me trying to put into words everything running through my head lately about love, and half of it I can’t even begin to describe…..
Enjoy the video….
So I’ve finally gone and done it, started a blog. I knew it would happen eventually, and here it is. My life is whimsical, I feel blessed to live the life I do. It’s not perfect, I’m not perfect, but I think I live a pretty good life. I’ve been crazy places, done crazy things. There’s always a new chapter just around the bend. This is the beginning of a new one perhaps….
I’ve started a garden, well, my sister Becky and I are starting it together. It’s called “Lucky Shoe” as it’s on a old horse farm, (it’s he and her hubbys property) horse shoes are everywhere, and I think in general I live a pretty lucky life. Oh yea, the day we broke ground, about 5 minutes in I turned to her and said “I feel like there’s a 4 leaf clover here waiting to be found”…..20 minutes later I screamed. I got that feeling, that “look down and to your left feeling”, so I did, and I found a 4leaf clover. (that was my 2nd 4leaf clover to date) Our goal is to grow all the vegetables we eat. Also want to can, jam, freeze, and pickle. I cannot wait to start pickling! Another pipe dream I have (which she is totally all for) is to turn an old trailer on the property into a chicken coop. I can’t wait to do that!
I’m on the “Board of Directors” for this awesome new thing called “Hudson Valley Baking Society.” I am psyched, I love it! It’s a fantastic group of individuals all with a common love for their community and for baking. It is still in the beginning stages, but it is growing by leaps and bounds and I am thrilled to be a part of it!
Last night I met with the photographer who will be doing my hair, makeup and photos for my entries into the “Nudie Foodie” contest, because I REALLY want to be in the 2nd book, and who doesn’t love to strip and play with food?!?!
I’ve started compiling my recipes, my all time greatest……because……I’ve got plans for them…..home based business for now…..but there’s a little birdie that has plans for a bakery in a few years……
As you can see, my burners are pretty full, and I love it.